“White people think they are so clever. Clever to a fault. When they can’t have their way through the front, they go through the back door. And when they can’t open any doors, they just blow the house up.” Ziad A. Fadel from his “Compendium of Ziad’s Quotations” (Random House, 2017)
a. Alawite (Although his religiosity won’t get him through the Pearly Gates)b. A Ba’athist (Secular and Pan Arab)c. Progressive (A real downer for dyed-in-the-wool Islamists)
d. Connected to Iran (Makes Zionists, Wahhabists and Qataris cringe)e. Connected to Russia (Makes Americans and NATO-ists twitch uncontrollably)
f. Rich as Croesus. (Hey, he’s an Arab leader of an Arab country. What did you expect?)g. Married to a gorgeous and superbly educated Syrian woman born in England. (This really miffs Erdoghan whose wife resembles a samovar)h. Blue-eyed. This is a major obsession with Obama. “Huccum I don’t gots dem blue eyes?” Sorry Barack, it’s the Crusades. You missed it.
a. Dr. Haitham Al-Mannaa’ considers all other groups terrorists. All other groups think Al-Mannaa’ works for Dr. Assad. Nizaar Nayyoof, a left-leaning Alawite opposition activist and award winning non-entity, is suspected of being an Assad agent although he spent 10 years in a Syrian prison ostensibly, according to his enemies, to write a thesis on the penal system, a veritable sequel to “Shock Corridor”. Then there’s Captain Kangaroo, a/k/a George Sabra who once led the ineptly named “National Coalition of Syrian Revolution and Opposition Forces” (NACOSROF) -well, isn’t that precious? As a Christian communist, he mixes Antiochian Orthodox rituals with devil worship just to bide his time before his anticipated rise to power as the new president of Syria. (He will be lucky if the Syrian Political Security Bureau lets him pick his preferred noose at his upcoming execution.)
b. Then, there’s the hotelier opposition who get to stay in 5 star hotels in cities like Geneva, Istanbul, Cairo, Riyadh, Doha, Madrid, Paris and Newark. Their lives are spent figuring out what they are going to do after Dr. Assad decides he’s going to run for his third term as president. Haitham Al-Maalih, who has called for Dr. Assad’s execution, going so far as to promote the beheading of all the Assad children, must be planning a renewal of “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” which he might successfully produce in Borneo. Then there’sMa`moun Al-Homsi, who famously pointed an accusatory index finger at an imaginary audience of Alawites, as he warned them of standing up and defending their country. He certainly has a great future as Syria’s new Minister of Subterranean Hygiene. Other Holiday Inn luminaries are: Ghassan “Shitto” Hitto, Ahmad Al-Khateeb and the very forgettable Turkish matron,Suhair Al-Atassi, whose future selling Avon cosmetics at the Reyanli Refugee Camp is virtually assured.
c. But, there’s also the Saudi-Qatari-Raghead coalition of disgruntled anti-Iranian faux-Sunni Wahhabist blaspheming wigglers who perform any act, no matter how foul, to please their Arabian financiers. These include such sedenterized grubs like Ahmad Jarbaa, a scion of the illustrious Shammar tribe which spans areas from Syria, Iraq to Jordan and Arabia. For some reason, the white CIA goons in Langley thought he’d be just “nifty” as an on-site comprador, what his history as Syria’s reigning Super Pimp. And, also,Kamaal Labwaani, who has made Occupied Palestine his new home as he grovels for jackbooted Zionist affection whilst snubbing his nose at Palestinians who could never have it so good. Why he actually told theMileikowski (Netanyahu) junta that he would “personally” turn over the Golan to them once Dr. Assad was overthrown. Such dreams in the minds of such imbeciles.