The crackpot King receiving his honorary doctorate in camel husbandry from the University of Baku. Here he signals an answer after being asked by a prepubescent girl what 1 + 3 is.

When you are the scion of a race of in-bred sloths, monkeys and hyenas, you must eventually show signs of cerebral cellular degeneration. King Salman of Saudi Arabia, for example, was just giving a speech during which he confused the words استرخاء and استخراء

The first word “Istirkhaa`” is a 10th form reflexive verb in Arabic which means “one loosens or relaxes himself”. The second one, is mostly Lebanese/Syrian street hipster-speak: “Istikhraa`” a 10th form reflexive verb meaning to “treat somebody as shit”. He continued with the speech although you could hear titters in the background. Such is the fate of this Kingdom of Nightmares…..this Domain of Decay…….this Mephitic Monarchy of Meningitis.

When this newly invested king took over the throne of ‘Abdullah, his half brother (non-Sudayri), he immediately announced to the world that he had never read Shakespeare’s historical plays. He, instead, flaunted his adherence to the infamous Dale Carnegie romain noire: “How to Lose All Good Friends and Make Everybody Your Enemy.” He dumped his own half-brother, Muqrin bin ‘Abdul-‘Azeez, who was crown prince according to established norms, and appointed in his stead his own nephew, Muhammad bin Naayef. Not to suffer the enmity of his own son in the process, the 78-year old monarch threw 34 year old son,Muhammad bin Salmaan, a bone in the form of “deputy crown prince”.

Well, Muqrin is not happy. According to the famous Saudi Twitterer, Mujtahid, a major internal Donnybrook is building up to a crescendo. Muqrin, whom it is said was bribed by Salmaan, to accept his fate in oblivion for a mere 10 billion dollars, immediately began to do what royals of all species do when affronted: he began to plot. Mujtahid says that a royal who provides inside information to him, Sa’ood bin Sayf Al-Nassr”, a purported grandson of founding ape monarch, Sa’ood bin ‘Abdul-‘Azeez, claimed that the royal ragheads of Arabia have decided to shorten Salmaan’s reign due to a soon-to-be-announced infirmity deemed lethal to good Wahhabist mis–governance – insanity. Oh, yeah?

Well, all of us can feel the presence of the Hashemites in all this. If not playing a direct role, certainly British connivance is detected instinctually lurking in the nitre-encrusted interstices of Saudi walls, like pernicious flies, pulling the strings of the Hashemite Dwarf rat-king puppet of Jordan to “suggest” certain solutions – say, something along the lines of his grandfather, Talaal, who was declared “schizophrenic” by British quacks and removed from power only to be sent to a Turkish “sanatorium” to live out his life like Cem Sultan at the Castle of Bourganeuf. Shakespeare would have had a field day with this. Who needs Holinshed?

File image shows Prince Mohammed bin Salman, the son of King Salman, who has been named deputy crown prince (AFP/Getty Images)

This is the king’s son, “Prince” Muhammad bin Salmaan, defense minister, and deputy crown prince. It is said he hasn’t bathed in seven years. It’s also said he doesn’t know how to shoot a BB gun or slingshot. I’ve also heard it said he ties his prehensile tail to his left thigh when wearing Western clothing.

The king who will be installed in Salmaan’s stead is one, “Prince” Ahmad bin ‘Abdul-‘Azeez, and whose mother is another boring Sudayri trollop by the name of Hissa bint Ahmad Al-Sudayri. Scuttlebutt in the Arab Press has members of the royal family snickering behind Salmaan’s back referring to his nephew’s and son’s investitures as “a coup d’etat by teenagers”.

The Saudis are desperate. They can’t get the Egyptians to send any kamikazes to fight the Zaydi warriors in Yemen. They can’t get the Pakistanis to do the same. And they can’t get the Pakistanis to even give them one nuclear warhead. They are losing their own territory in the southwest to Yemeni freedom fighters. They have no army. And, it looks like the Iranians are on the verge of a quantum leap in relations with Russia, China – and, and, and – gulp! – Europe!

Their ties to the Zionist Kingdom of Slaughter is going nowhere. Bashar Al-Assad is stronger than ever. Iraqi volunteers to fight the ISIS Saudi allies are in the hundreds of thousands. Americans don’t seem to know what they want. Hizbollah is victorious everywhere. The Saudis are feeling really lonely. Only a good bloodbath will change things around for them. But, that begs the question: Whose blood is it going to be and who is going to be bathing in it? ZAF

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