October 7, 2015
Well, I mentioned a Doomsday Falafel on here, so we might as well have a Doomsday Turkey since Thanksgiving is fast approaching. Yeah, I know, there’s the question of what stuffing to use on such a bird. It certainly won’t be stuffed with sanity, I’ll tell you that. But we won’t need to worry about it getting done quickly, since the flash from a nuclear weapon detonation will make that tricky cooking time guesswork a thing of the past. Whooosh! Ah, nice and crispy! Say, where’s the gravy?
A Doomsday Turkey?! Why…yes! Have you seen the news? Evidently, there’s already been a border kerfuffle between some other birds, those being Turkish F-16s and Russian aircraft. Now who didn’t see this one coming? Let’s see…the U.S. would like a reason to stick its nose into that kitchen and, gosh, isn’t Turkey a NATO nation? Gee, we could be at war over there quicker than the time it would take to make Deviled Eggs! It appears the United States is deviling other things in the region. Look at this article.
Oh, so NATO chief Jens Stoltenberg told us that recent breaches of Turkish airspace by Russian warplanes were “very serious” and that “It doesn’t look like an accident, and we’ve seen two of them over the weekend.” Ah, of course, Jens, but the U.S. bombing of a HOSPITAL in Afghanistan must absolutely, positively be an accident, right? Come on, Jens, how much is the United States paying you to say that? Probably the same as Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan who said, “Any attack on Turkey is an attack on NATO.” Yes, of course. How very, very, very convenient for the United States. Yes, an attack on a NATO nation requires a military response from all of them. Looks like we upgraded from getting rid of Assad into a world war. I wonder how much that upgrade cost? Maybe the planet, who knows?
Gee, and we always thought we avoided that nuclear war with the good ol’ Russkies after 1991. I suppose many people within the Pentagon were disappointed. Has anyone noticed that it’s like these jokers have some kind of mass murder and collective suicide death wish?! They ought to rename the Pentagon as Jonestown, for anyone my age or older who remembers the Jonestown Mass Suicide event. I mean, it was really simple: Just stay out of the way and let Russia handle this situation. But no! Thanksgiving is on the way, so let’s have a Doomsday Turkey!
“It’s unacceptable to violate the airspace of another country,” Stoltenberg told reporters. Yeah, you know what else is unacceptable, mister? Bombing a hospital and killing innocent people! Hey, that hospital was calling you NATO guys for an HOUR and you kept right on bombing. Yeah, where are we at on THAT investigation, field marshall?!
Oh, but the Afghan Hospital Massacre was a mistake! Right, so they tell us. See, when NATO and the U.S. (but I repeat myself) fight a war, bombing a hospital is always a mistake. But let a Russian aircraft stray over the Syrian border into Turkey, oh, no, that HAS to be intentional! “The hospital was mistakenly struck. We would never intentionally target a protected medical facility.” Thus saith General John F. Campbell and we’re expected to believe that and just sweep it all under the rug as their usual “collateral damage”. Right, events that happen so often they had the invent that phrase “collateral damage” to gussy it up in a nice calico dress. But if a Russian plane strays over a border, oh, no, that’s intentional! That cannot be an accident!
Yes, the Pentagon never has forgotten their Rand Corporation study “Zen and the Art of Doomsday” and so they’ve dusted it off again. Hey, it’s a classic! We won’t need a cookbook for the Doomsday Turkey because, hey, we’ll just nuke it and it’ll take much less time than conventional methods. Who knows? We might just have a swell Thanksgiving after all! Gosh, what’ll we wear? Burial shrouds?
See, this is just so very typical of the United States. Here’s this crisis in Syria. Yes, the U.S. started it. But then it blew up, as per usual, and a whole new terrorist entity was spawned and started killing people all over the place. A refugee crisis of historic proportions was caused. The U.S. tried and failed to stop it. So Russia goes in to do so. Now, this is like someone coming over and volunteering to mow your yard for you. Does the U.S. take the great opportunity to bail out of this quagmire and remove itself from the hotseat? No! Of course not! No, the U.S. sees it as a great chance to get into a war with Russia that we weren’t able to provoke with them over in Ukraine. It’s one thing to have a death wish. But it’s quite another to have a Doomsday wish.
I mean, hey, if these people are really THAT curious about Doomsday, then they should all pack themselves away into their underground bunkers and just stay there. That’s where they’re headed anyway if they get it started. So just go ahead now, with your families, and just live there now you suicidal maniacs. We can call it a “time capsule” for crazed politicians and insane military leaders—don’t open for 1,000 years. I think this is a great solution. Those Doomsday shelters for the politicians are already paid for. We might as well get some use out of them. Yes, Politician Time Capsules. In 1,000 years, they’ll excavate them and be amazed that people were that stupid.
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