Hubble bubble, toil and trouble. Abracadabra, please and thank you. Staffan De Mistura, practices the black arts at the United Nations.
“White people think they are so clever. Clever to a fault. When they can’t have their way through the front, they go through the back door. And when they can’t open any doors, they just blow the house up.” Ziad A. Fadel from his “Compendium of Ziad’s Quotations” (Random House, 2017)
Staffan De Mistura is no mystery to SyrPer. He comes as the third in a short list of failures starting with Kofi Annan, and then, Lakhdar Brahimi. All were complete flops. In fact, SyrPer awarded Lakhdar Brahimi the annual Miguel De Cervantes Don Quixote Award for Tilting at Windmills in appreciation of his uselessness as a U.N. mediator for the Syrian crisis. Yet, despite prior shortcomings and suspicious proclamations, the tag-team of Annan-Brahimi managed to establish one very serious fact on the ground: you have to have the involvement of Russia to get anything done right. And so, with Vladimir Putin in the saddle, much of the previous impediments to the convening of a conference to resolve the crisis were eliminated.
Russia’s Marlboro Man incarnate. I can hear the Elmer Bernstein theme song from the “Magnificent Seven” arranged by Serge Prokofiev.
So what were the impediments, you ask? Let’s list them:
1. The Syrian Opposition, couched in the singular, belied the ugly truth that it was one “opposition”. Instead, it was an oleo of groups and individuals motivated by the desire to oust the very popular president of Syria who just happened to be:
a. Alawite (Although his religiosity won’t get him through the Pearly Gates)b. A Ba’athist (Secular and Pan Arab)c. Progressive (A real downer for dyed-in-the-wool Islamists)
d. Connected to Iran (Makes Zionists, Wahhabists and Qataris cringe)e. Connected to Russia (Makes Americans and NATO-ists twitch uncontrollably)
f. Rich as Croesus. (Hey, he’s an Arab leader of an Arab country. What did you expect?)g. Married to a gorgeous and superbly educated Syrian woman born in England. (This really miffs Erdoghan whose wife resembles a samovar)h. Blue-eyed. This is a major obsession with Obama. “Huccum I don’t gots dem blue eyes?” Sorry Barack, it’s the Crusades. You missed it.
And, then, there is the makeup of the opposition:
2. The Syrian Opposition hates itself. It would be nigh impossible to find one group or one individual who didn’t despise all the rest. For example:
a. Dr. Haitham Al-Mannaa’ considers all other groups terrorists. All other groups think Al-Mannaa’ works for Dr. Assad. Nizaar Nayyoof, a left-leaning Alawite opposition activist and award winning non-entity, is suspected of being an Assad agent although he spent 10 years in a Syrian prison ostensibly, according to his enemies, to write a thesis on the penal system, a veritable sequel to “Shock Corridor”. Then there’s Captain Kangaroo, a/k/a George Sabra who once led the ineptly named “National Coalition of Syrian Revolution and Opposition Forces” (NACOSROF) -well, isn’t that precious? As a Christian communist, he mixes Antiochian Orthodox rituals with devil worship just to bide his time before his anticipated rise to power as the new president of Syria. (He will be lucky if the Syrian Political Security Bureau lets him pick his preferred noose at his upcoming execution.)
George Sabra, seen here at his “penthouse” apartment in an Istanbul bordello courtesy of MIT’s Hakan Fidan.
b. Then, there’s the hotelier opposition who get to stay in 5 star hotels in cities like Geneva, Istanbul, Cairo, Riyadh, Doha, Madrid, Paris and Newark. Their lives are spent figuring out what they are going to do after Dr. Assad decides he’s going to run for his third term as president. Haitham Al-Maalih, who has called for Dr. Assad’s execution, going so far as to promote the beheading of all the Assad children, must be planning a renewal of “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” which he might successfully produce in Borneo. Then there’sMa`moun Al-Homsi, who famously pointed an accusatory index finger at an imaginary audience of Alawites, as he warned them of standing up and defending their country. He certainly has a great future as Syria’s new Minister of Subterranean Hygiene. Other Holiday Inn luminaries are: Ghassan “Shitto” Hitto, Ahmad Al-Khateeb and the very forgettable Turkish matron,Suhair Al-Atassi, whose future selling Avon cosmetics at the Reyanli Refugee Camp is virtually assured.
c. But, there’s also the Saudi-Qatari-Raghead coalition of disgruntled anti-Iranian faux-Sunni Wahhabist blaspheming wigglers who perform any act, no matter how foul, to please their Arabian financiers. These include such sedenterized grubs like Ahmad Jarbaa, a scion of the illustrious Shammar tribe which spans areas from Syria, Iraq to Jordan and Arabia. For some reason, the white CIA goons in Langley thought he’d be just “nifty” as an on-site comprador, what his history as Syria’s reigning Super Pimp. And, also,Kamaal Labwaani, who has made Occupied Palestine his new home as he grovels for jackbooted Zionist affection whilst snubbing his nose at Palestinians who could never have it so good. Why he actually told theMileikowski (Netanyahu) junta that he would “personally” turn over the Golan to them once Dr. Assad was overthrown. Such dreams in the minds of such imbeciles.
And, there is the 3rd impediment which is an axis of nations committed to ousting the president of Syria because he trucks with the Iranians and has given Iran the go-ahead for its game-changing natural gas pipeline across Iraq to the Syrian coast. The axis is made up of Saudi Arabia, the Zionist Obscenity and Turkey – a pretty formidable looking alliance but for the presence of the first member which has managed to boondoggle in a war against the poorest, and, yet, the most obdurate nation in the Arab World, Yemen. And we note, with much consternation – spiced with the usual venom – that each has found his own quagmire; the Turks in northern Syria with the PKK and the Zionists who are planning another dimwitted invasion of Lebanon to take on Hizbollah and, not to be neglected, Saudi Arabia for the reasons set forth herein-above. Sounds like someone is planning his own big exit, doesn’t it? Whatever the case, these nations have no interest in the success of the Geneva talks. To the contrary, they have every reason to scupper the talks.
The U.S. is struggling to keep the Saudis happy while not immersing itself in another foreign catastrophe. Obama’s recent interview with the Atlantic Monthly said a lot about his vision for the U.S., even after he leaves office. It seems the Obama Doctrine, using other people’s armies to accomplish American strategic interests, has given way to a more subtle form of isolationism. Obama lambasted Cameron for the mess in Libya and virtually rubbed the Saudi’s snouts in their own ordure when he called them free-loaders. Yet, while American-Saudi relations may have reached an all-time low, the U.S. has not given up on using chicanery to deflect any ridicule from their once beloved Wahhabist allies.
The U.S. actually convinced many of the “opposition” that the issue of Dr. Assad’s future – that is the presidency itself – was a critical part of the agenda and still up for grabs. Muhammad ‘Alloosh, whose derelict brother was recently vaporized by the Syrian Air Force in the Ghouta, declared pompously on Thursday that no talks would be meaningful without the departure of Dr. Assad. This was actually repeated, using different patter, by the U.N. mediator himself who started a rumor about presidential elections and a new constitution in the next 6 months. The Syrian government, speaking through Foreign Minister Waleed Al-Mu’allim and the chief negotiator at the Geneva talks, Dr. Bashar Al-Ja’fari, quickly disabused the opposition of any such possibility. Even the Russian team further dampened the atmosphere by reiterating a legalistic argument that only the Syrian people could decide the fate of their leader.
So, what does the U.S. do? It begins to float another idea which discloses Washington’s (correction: Neo-Conservative Washington’s) real intent. This is something we have written about before: create new states as buffers against the economic expansion of Iran. Since the first effort to destroy Syria’s government was a miserable failure, the U.S. has embarked on a new, oooh-so-clever plan: Federalism! Let’s chop up Syria into states which are self-governing with a sterile central government teetering-and-tottering on the margins of oblivion. If the U.S. can get the parties to accept, for example, a United States of Syria, comprised of the State of Kurdistan, the State of Druzistan, the State of Alawistaan, the State of Turkomanistaan, the State of ISIS-Wahhabistan, Sunnistaan, Orthodoxistaan and Armenistaan, then, you manipulate the configurations of the states such that no Iranian oil gas line can cross any friendly territory. Isn’t that unbelievably intelligent? Wow.
De Mistura, like his predecessors, works for the United States and Europe. Make no mistake about it, he advertises his occidental tastes by merely dressing every morning. He knows who pays his fees and he’s not concealing his own collusion with John Kerry in kiting trial balloons at the conference to see if maybe one of them will endure. So far, Dr. Ja’fari, has shot down each one. Waleed Al-Mu’allim went even further and told the world that Dr. Assad’s presidency is a “red line”.
So, what will the opposition do? Gee, folks, I just don’t care. And what will the Saudi apes do? Ditto. It appears that with no chance of achieving anything at the conference, the military option remains the only one. All this will play out as the Syrian Army and Russian Air Force continue their massive onslaught against the only allies of Saudi Arabia, Turkey and Khazaristan who are killing Syrians: the terrorists – ISIS and Alqaeda. What a universe of hypocrisy for the United States and NATO in which Obama, Cameron and Hollande can wallow. We know what you’re doing, De Mistura.
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